It’s summer. Again. As I have said many times, it is not my favorite season. But, that’s okay. I am still happy to have sunny, clear blue skies and the free time to enjoy it, despite the heat and humidity. Having said that, I have to wonder what makes people happy? Is it a beautiful, sunny day? A new job? New car? A lottery windfall? Losing weight? Looking younger? A baby? A new relationship? We read the well-known phrase “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness" in the Declaration of Independence and have to question, how exactly do we pursue happiness?
How many of you have ever said “If I only had more money, I’d be happy” or “When I finally get a promotion, I will be happy”? These wishes are in line with the pursuit of happiness, the thought that happiness is somewhere out there and we just have to find it. Surprisingly, all of these external wishes and desires will not make you any happier…in the long term. What the most current research shows is that we create our happiness. We don’t find it out there somewhere.
Is wishing for more money or a relationship a waste of time? No. Not exactly. Actually, money or a relationship will make you happy….for the moment. The reality is that you will be a little happy for a little while. Then, the happiness high wears off and you are back to wishing for the next happiness fix. Researchers have found that we are conditioned to pursue happiness in all the wrong ways. We anticipate being happier than we end up being.
So, what is the key to happiness? First, it is important to understand that people enjoy their new found levels of happiness and then return to a set-point that they have inherited. Yes, inherited. We are all born with a happiness set-point to which we return after a high point of happiness. Some of us inherit a happier set-point than others. Our set-point dictates how happy we will tend to be over the course of our lifetime. Our set-point is about 50% of our total happiness.
What is surprising about the current research on happiness is that only 10% of our happiness is influenced by our environment. Our situations and life circumstances- whether we are married or single, rich or poor, pretty or plain- have a negligible affect on our happiness.
The good news in all of this is that the 40% that is left is within our control to make ourselves happy. How we think and what we do in our lives day to day informs that 40%. We make ourselves more or less happy by our outlook and choices. Think about that. WE choose happiness.
What are some of the characteristics of happy people? How do they think and what kinds of behaviors and actions do they choose? Happy people experience the distress and unhappiness that the rest of us do. They just bounce back because of their coping skills and happiness habits. According to the studies done on happiness, here are some of those habits.
Happier people:
Martin Seligman, a professor at the University of Pennsylvania, did a study where he taught a group of severely depressed people a happiness enhancing strategy. These people were severely depressed, having difficulty even getting out of bed every morning. They were instructed to go online to a website and do an exercise which involved remembering and writing down three good things that happened to them each day. For example, if a friend called to check in or a neighbor dropped off a meal they were instructed to write it down. He discovered that within 15 days the participant’s depression lifted from “severely depressed” to “mildly to moderately depressed”. Apparently, 94% of them experienced relief. This is awesome news. This is one example of the research that has been done that shows we can influence our level of happiness by implementing strategies that work.
Here are some ideas to amp up your happiness from psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky, a Stanford University Ph.D., who is currently a professor at the University of California. The majority of her research career has been devoted to studying human happiness.
Lyubomirsky’s research shows that keeping our strategies fresh is key to our success. Over-practicing one technique can become stale and boring so mixing it up a little is very important. We may choose to contemplate a positive event after a difficult situation but then write in our journal at another time during the week. Some weeks, we may choose to speak to a gratitude buddy and write a letter or make a phone call expressing gratitude other weeks. The key to our happiness practice is to be consistent and keep it varied.
Let’s take some time this summer to experiment with our happiness. Start a gratitude journal. You don’t have to write in it everyday. Do what fits your lifestyle be it daily, weekly, or 2-3 times a week. Choose a time of the day that you have a few minutes and write down events, situations, or people that enhanced your sense of gratitude. Recognize your talents, your positive experiences, opportunities that have presented or anything else, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant.
Enjoy the process and happy summer!
How many of you have ever said “If I only had more money, I’d be happy” or “When I finally get a promotion, I will be happy”? These wishes are in line with the pursuit of happiness, the thought that happiness is somewhere out there and we just have to find it. Surprisingly, all of these external wishes and desires will not make you any happier…in the long term. What the most current research shows is that we create our happiness. We don’t find it out there somewhere.
Is wishing for more money or a relationship a waste of time? No. Not exactly. Actually, money or a relationship will make you happy….for the moment. The reality is that you will be a little happy for a little while. Then, the happiness high wears off and you are back to wishing for the next happiness fix. Researchers have found that we are conditioned to pursue happiness in all the wrong ways. We anticipate being happier than we end up being.
So, what is the key to happiness? First, it is important to understand that people enjoy their new found levels of happiness and then return to a set-point that they have inherited. Yes, inherited. We are all born with a happiness set-point to which we return after a high point of happiness. Some of us inherit a happier set-point than others. Our set-point dictates how happy we will tend to be over the course of our lifetime. Our set-point is about 50% of our total happiness.
What is surprising about the current research on happiness is that only 10% of our happiness is influenced by our environment. Our situations and life circumstances- whether we are married or single, rich or poor, pretty or plain- have a negligible affect on our happiness.
The good news in all of this is that the 40% that is left is within our control to make ourselves happy. How we think and what we do in our lives day to day informs that 40%. We make ourselves more or less happy by our outlook and choices. Think about that. WE choose happiness.
What are some of the characteristics of happy people? How do they think and what kinds of behaviors and actions do they choose? Happy people experience the distress and unhappiness that the rest of us do. They just bounce back because of their coping skills and happiness habits. According to the studies done on happiness, here are some of those habits.
Happier people:
- Express gratitude for what they have
- Spend time with friends and family
- Are optimistic when thinking about the future
- Offer help to others
- Set and commit to goals and ambitions that inform their lives
- Are resilient in the face of crises and challenges, showing good coping skills and a positive outlook
- Exercise on a regular basis; at least weekly, at most daily
- Live in the present moment as much as possible and enjoy simple pleasures
Martin Seligman, a professor at the University of Pennsylvania, did a study where he taught a group of severely depressed people a happiness enhancing strategy. These people were severely depressed, having difficulty even getting out of bed every morning. They were instructed to go online to a website and do an exercise which involved remembering and writing down three good things that happened to them each day. For example, if a friend called to check in or a neighbor dropped off a meal they were instructed to write it down. He discovered that within 15 days the participant’s depression lifted from “severely depressed” to “mildly to moderately depressed”. Apparently, 94% of them experienced relief. This is awesome news. This is one example of the research that has been done that shows we can influence our level of happiness by implementing strategies that work.
Here are some ideas to amp up your happiness from psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky, a Stanford University Ph.D., who is currently a professor at the University of California. The majority of her research career has been devoted to studying human happiness.
- Choose a time daily to contemplate your blessings. Reflect on why you are grateful and how your life has been enriched.
- Identify one thing each day that you normally would take for granted and acknowledge it.
- Acknowledge one ungrateful thought each day and substitute a grateful thought. For example, “My husband forgot to pick up milk” can be dumped for “My husband is always there for me when I need support”.
- Enlist a gratitude partner from you family or friends and share your list of blessings with them. They can encourage or motivate you when you forget or lose energy.
- Introduce a visitor to things, places, and people that you love. This will help your perspective stay fresh by seeing things through someone else’s eyes.
- Express your gratitude directly to someone who has touched your life through a letter, a phone call, or a face-to-face encounter.
Lyubomirsky’s research shows that keeping our strategies fresh is key to our success. Over-practicing one technique can become stale and boring so mixing it up a little is very important. We may choose to contemplate a positive event after a difficult situation but then write in our journal at another time during the week. Some weeks, we may choose to speak to a gratitude buddy and write a letter or make a phone call expressing gratitude other weeks. The key to our happiness practice is to be consistent and keep it varied.
Let’s take some time this summer to experiment with our happiness. Start a gratitude journal. You don’t have to write in it everyday. Do what fits your lifestyle be it daily, weekly, or 2-3 times a week. Choose a time of the day that you have a few minutes and write down events, situations, or people that enhanced your sense of gratitude. Recognize your talents, your positive experiences, opportunities that have presented or anything else, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant.
Enjoy the process and happy summer!
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