“The holidays are only holy if we make them so.”
~Marianne Williamson
~Marianne Williamson
Peace, love, joy! The mantra of the holiday season rings in our ears yet how many of us dread the stress of the holiday season? Our relationships with family, friends, and lovers are often tested as we come together to celebrate. These can be anything but peaceful days, as we deal with relationships that can be trying at best, traumatic at worst.
At the root of our relationships with the people we hold dear is trust; the feeling of being emotionally safe with those we love and that love us. We want a level of predictability and safety, exposing vulnerability to another and expecting it to be protected. That same trust informs our faith and goodwill.
How do we develop trust? It grows on a foundation of compassion, non-judgment, caring-honesty, reciprocity, and self-reflection. This is the soil in which trust can deeply root. If every attempt at relating to another is based in 1) compassion, not judgments founded on our own prejudices, 2) honesty, with caring concern versus veiled attacks, 3) giving, without conditions, but with boundaries, and 4) reflecting on our inner dialogue as a tool for self-understanding, we have a pretty good chance at developing positive relationships, good-will, and faith in others and the world around us.
Taking this further, let’s ask, “Who am I?”. Do I have the qualities that build trust- those same qualities that I want to attract? Before any relationship can truly deepen, these answers have to be built into our relationship with ourselves. If we have a compassionate, non-judgmental, caring, open, honest, reciprocal, and self-reflective relationship with ourselves, it becomes easier to attract those types of relationships into our lives. We would treat others the way we treat ourselves. We would be anchored, enabling us to give what we want to attract.
In our relationship with ourselves or another, we forge a soul connection which begins a shift in consciousness. That shift in consciousness is an evolutionary process where we discover that our “self” is actually our “Self”. It is our “Self” that leads with compassion, non-judgment, honesty, reciprocity, and introspection. It is the inner wisdom that whispers through the noise of being. When “Self” led, we go beyond the physical into the metaphysical, which manifests for everyone in different ways. Perhaps it is God, the Universe, Higher Consciousness, “Center”, or whatever "Higher" connection resonates with us. That connection tells us that life is a series of "present moments" which reveal opportunities to observe our choices and make changes that create sustainable relationships. Ultimately, trust is rooted in a foundation of the qualities (compassion, non-judgment, truth, reciprocity, self-inquiry) and practices of unfolding consciousness. It is a self-perpetuating process. As awareness of higher consciousness unfolds, the foundational practices deepen. As the foundational practices deepen, so does our soul consciousness.
In chatting about this with my friend Lori, she described trust as a glass that holds our relationships with friends, family, and lovers. When trust is broken, that glass shatters into a million pieces, creating a mess to be cleaned up, with no return to its former state. She likened its fragility to that of a symmetrical yet complex snowflake descending from the frigid sky only to melt into oblivion upon its landing. These are beautiful descriptions that reflect great vulnerability. I propose, though, that when navigating life from our center as described above, the glass remains a receptive vessel that does not have to shatter, and the snowflake is a beautiful and complex frozen work of art that miraculously transforms into a glistening drop of water upon its landing. It is a shift in consciousness from “cleaning up messes” to “transformative moments”. Kahlil Gibran once said, “The deeper that sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?” So, even in our least favorite moments with family, friends, lovers, and our self, space is being created for something amazing like trust, love, and faith in something greater than ourselves.
Now, how do we translate all this into peaceful family celebrations where all sorts of uncomfortable shenanigans can potentially ruin the holiday? Here are some suggestions: 1) Attempt to meet people where they are versus expecting them to be who you want them to be. Take a deep breath and stand in graceful centeredness as you realize that they too are on their own spiritual path and this may be their best with what they know in this moment, 2) Ask yourself what your “button” is in this moment? What are you telling yourself? Examine your inner dialogue. You own the buttons that others press, 3) Pause and choose your response. Be proactive versus reactive. Ask yourself, “how important is this?”, 4) Trust yourself to reframe the moment. Find the positives versus perseverating on the negatives. These basic steps will help keep you centered and on the path of creating trusting relationships, encouraging peace, love, and joy, instead of chaos this holiday season!
(Published in Creations Magazine Dec/Jan 2015)
At the root of our relationships with the people we hold dear is trust; the feeling of being emotionally safe with those we love and that love us. We want a level of predictability and safety, exposing vulnerability to another and expecting it to be protected. That same trust informs our faith and goodwill.
How do we develop trust? It grows on a foundation of compassion, non-judgment, caring-honesty, reciprocity, and self-reflection. This is the soil in which trust can deeply root. If every attempt at relating to another is based in 1) compassion, not judgments founded on our own prejudices, 2) honesty, with caring concern versus veiled attacks, 3) giving, without conditions, but with boundaries, and 4) reflecting on our inner dialogue as a tool for self-understanding, we have a pretty good chance at developing positive relationships, good-will, and faith in others and the world around us.
Taking this further, let’s ask, “Who am I?”. Do I have the qualities that build trust- those same qualities that I want to attract? Before any relationship can truly deepen, these answers have to be built into our relationship with ourselves. If we have a compassionate, non-judgmental, caring, open, honest, reciprocal, and self-reflective relationship with ourselves, it becomes easier to attract those types of relationships into our lives. We would treat others the way we treat ourselves. We would be anchored, enabling us to give what we want to attract.
In our relationship with ourselves or another, we forge a soul connection which begins a shift in consciousness. That shift in consciousness is an evolutionary process where we discover that our “self” is actually our “Self”. It is our “Self” that leads with compassion, non-judgment, honesty, reciprocity, and introspection. It is the inner wisdom that whispers through the noise of being. When “Self” led, we go beyond the physical into the metaphysical, which manifests for everyone in different ways. Perhaps it is God, the Universe, Higher Consciousness, “Center”, or whatever "Higher" connection resonates with us. That connection tells us that life is a series of "present moments" which reveal opportunities to observe our choices and make changes that create sustainable relationships. Ultimately, trust is rooted in a foundation of the qualities (compassion, non-judgment, truth, reciprocity, self-inquiry) and practices of unfolding consciousness. It is a self-perpetuating process. As awareness of higher consciousness unfolds, the foundational practices deepen. As the foundational practices deepen, so does our soul consciousness.
In chatting about this with my friend Lori, she described trust as a glass that holds our relationships with friends, family, and lovers. When trust is broken, that glass shatters into a million pieces, creating a mess to be cleaned up, with no return to its former state. She likened its fragility to that of a symmetrical yet complex snowflake descending from the frigid sky only to melt into oblivion upon its landing. These are beautiful descriptions that reflect great vulnerability. I propose, though, that when navigating life from our center as described above, the glass remains a receptive vessel that does not have to shatter, and the snowflake is a beautiful and complex frozen work of art that miraculously transforms into a glistening drop of water upon its landing. It is a shift in consciousness from “cleaning up messes” to “transformative moments”. Kahlil Gibran once said, “The deeper that sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?” So, even in our least favorite moments with family, friends, lovers, and our self, space is being created for something amazing like trust, love, and faith in something greater than ourselves.
Now, how do we translate all this into peaceful family celebrations where all sorts of uncomfortable shenanigans can potentially ruin the holiday? Here are some suggestions: 1) Attempt to meet people where they are versus expecting them to be who you want them to be. Take a deep breath and stand in graceful centeredness as you realize that they too are on their own spiritual path and this may be their best with what they know in this moment, 2) Ask yourself what your “button” is in this moment? What are you telling yourself? Examine your inner dialogue. You own the buttons that others press, 3) Pause and choose your response. Be proactive versus reactive. Ask yourself, “how important is this?”, 4) Trust yourself to reframe the moment. Find the positives versus perseverating on the negatives. These basic steps will help keep you centered and on the path of creating trusting relationships, encouraging peace, love, and joy, instead of chaos this holiday season!
(Published in Creations Magazine Dec/Jan 2015)