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The Vibe Tribe

11/4/2023

The power of women gathering is immeasurable!
~Anonymous

Tribes grow your soul. But the vibe tribe is a special tribe. It’s a sisterhood that holds space. A sisterhood of joy that holds you when you fall and lifts you up to see the light of tomorrow. It is the softness that embraces you upon landing through every trial and tribulation. It sticks your pieces back together when no matter how hard you try, the cracks just won’t stay put, then fuses them together with spit and gold brocatelle.
The vibe tribe sees you as perfect past the stained glass and fun house mirrors of your own distortions. It sees you when you don’t see yourself and reflects back the beauty of your wholeness despite the messy, unkept moments through which you meander. Your tribe nourishes you. It feeds you abundant portions of love and compassion and truth and honesty with sides of chocolate, buttery croissants, pasta and wine of all colors!
Your tribe will walk you through the darkness, open the shades and dance with you in the light. Look out for the women of your tribe. They show up in the least expected places. Identify their light and fiery glow. It can’t be contained in mere mortal being. Invite them in. You won’t be disappointed!

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The Third Act

10/25/2023

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You may be in your third act, but you can still be vital and sexual and funny. Life isn't over.” ~Jane Fonda

Why is the third act so often diminished, even unrecognized? The first act is busy, filled with growth and new beginnings. Like spring, it arrives, sparkling with dew and sunlight. The potential is boundless, youthful and moves you forward to explore and grow. It’s a time for new opportunities and experiences. Everything is fresh and you’re excited about what’s to come. It’s a time of action and the lessons of love. Like spring, the lightness of being permeates the air!
   The second act arrives like summer, lush and full. Days brim with ideas, activities and promise. Fiery passions fuel life’s high energy. Your roles are many and you stand in your space. Pulled in varied directions, you take it all on. Like the long days of summer, you are radiant and engaged as you build and establish who you are in the world. It’s a magical time touched by a sense of immortality.
   But the third act? It comes on the heels of endings and change, as everything slows. Like autumn, it shifts your being. The sign on the shop door says “closed” and the sign posts point to the sunset on the horizon. It may give you pause as you ask yourself “what’s next?”. Its arrival is somewhat unexpected in its lack of thunder and anticipated meaning.
   The first two acts naturally happen as an established part of the plan. You knew what was expected and time felt fluid. The sunset was far enough away on the horizon for it to seem unreal or at very least undefined. Doing and planning were your reality. The comfort of that reality was feeling at home in a life that doesn’t actually end.
   But most don’t think about the third act until it’s upon them. When it arrives, some go willingly into the next chapter while others try to delay it. Either way, it shows up and can feel daunting. The reality of life accompanies it, psychic pain and all. The horizon doesn’t look that far off anymore. The questions arise from that nagging space of mortality- What does this next phase hold for me? Is time running out to do everything I’d hoped to do? The bucket list is challenging you. The stress of it all overwhelms the moment.
   Upon a second look, the third act is most full of potential. It drops away the expectations and responsibilities of time gone by and invites you to create and serve with the tools already honed and crafted. What a sweet challenge! An invitation is extended, encouraging your soul to step out front and center, stripped of pretense, anxiety or “to do” lists. It’s a time to enjoy the freedom that comes with unstructured time and untethered desire. The world is now a place of wise exploration not duty. Behind the fear of the unknown and the terror of a terminal sunset is a beginning. Not the fiery, novel beginning of the first and second act, but a mature, grounded beginning without expectation. By reframing the view, the “closed” sign on the shop door becomes a message of freedom, not ending. Wisdom’s ride into a glorious series of sunrises and sunsets has arrived with a greater purpose. A purpose that leads by example and inspires with limitless potential for every soul, not just your own.
   So, let the third act begin! Nurture your relationship with yourself. Suspend fear when it arises by taking a deep breath, or five, and slowly exhaling the negativity. Know the fear is signaling a new era. Sit with it and explore the moment. Write down what comes up. Ask yourself, “What do I want?” without expectation. Release attachment to the outcome each time you sit and ask. The answers will come.
   In the meantime, tap into your talents, hobbies, and passions. Bring joy into your day by just being. The doing will come. Let the third act carry the sparkling dew of the first and the glowing sun of the second, now alchemized by the gentle calm of the third. Do the things your heart desires. Take walks, garden, play with child-like abandon, sit on the beach in spring and wade in the water in summer. Cry, smile, laugh, write, meditate and wonder. Practice kindness. Listen. Self-reflect. Channel the energy of integrity and be mindful. The alchemy of wisdom will integrate and create a powerful force that will complete you before winter’s rest. Be an example to those that struggle. Show them how to live without fear so when they get there, they will.

(Published in Creations Magazine Fall 2023)

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My Dog….My Guru?

9/13/2023

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Bear 7/17/2009-2/5/2023

“Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened”. ~Anatole France

A little white dog ran into a stall so fast he climbed onto my lap, reaching up to cover my face with kisses. He had a funny run like an animated reindeer in the 1960’s Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. His tongue hung out of the side of his mouth looking silly and sweet. His black nose and big black eyes dotted his little face, completing his unique vibe. He came home with us that day along with his side-kick, a black and white little girl. We named him Bear. I had three dogs. Now, I have two. They’ve all taught me many things but this is about Bear.
      Why write about critters that keep us company for the short span of their gloriously loving lives? In this case, because of the brilliance of a masterful teacher disguised as a little dog. My little guru ran, played and smiled. In fact, his little face and eyes smiled all day long and it was infectious. Watching him run with his stiff little legs, floppy tongue, and smiling eyes had no limits. His joyful prance and light-hearted antics brought a constant lightness of being, filling the room with a most welcome contagion of mindful bliss. In those moments, time stood still and nothing intruded. When he started having tremors, he stayed present, bringing my care into his space. He drew love to him like a moth to light. His side-kick groomed and snuggled him daily. I placed my hands on him to move his energy when he began having trouble walking. He walked again but never regained his ability to do stairs. In true guru-style, he made sure I slowed my pace and began paying better attention. I carried him up and down stairs outside to his dog pen. Then, I sat on the stairs waiting for him. I took in the sun, the cold, the rain, the snow. I meditated in the fresh air. I watched mindfully as he sniffed the dandelions and licked the big oak tree. As the seasons changed, I watched him walk in his own special way on the pebbly ground. He crunched through leaves, trudged through snow, dodged rain, and warmed in the sun. Every moment felt like a delicious pause of reality, permission to just be with no anticipation or remorse. How can a little, silly, furry boy have such power to stop time and bestow joy?
      In his last years, he wore diapers, needed special food, and couldn’t jump up onto his favorite spots where he would sit and stare at me. But that didn’t stop him. Wherever he was, I could feel his gentle gaze, his love palpable by his mere presence. It was impossible not to feel loved and present in his gaze. His little size didn’t limit his powers and neither did his disabilities. Through diaper changes, preparing special food, eventually feeding him by hand, carrying him in and out and up and down stairs, I became more and more present, grounded, and peaceful. What a surprise that a silly, joyful little critter could bestow the gift of mindfulness and grounded being to a grown adult woman who didn’t always practice what she preached! The doing became being. The being became more and more accessible.
      His time was too short. My simple human heart couldn’t bare the strain of leaving the present to anticipate the worst. So again, his precious little face with the smiling eyes, brought me back to him again and again. We sat every night together and had our time. I cradled him like a baby and sang songs to him. I looked into his big black eyes and told him the story of his life, how we met and how it was love at first sight. I felt his skinny little body in his blue fleecey relax against my body. We were together, present in the moment as we sat and I regaled him with tales of love, joy and happiness. I needed him to know the absolute treasure he was for the 13 1/2 years we shared.
     That’s the story of my furry little disabled guru that taught me how to slow down in the most real way, without theories, teachings, or best laid plans. So, the lessons come when least expected, beyond seeking, outside of books and organized practices. They come when we take our yoga off the mat. “Stop and smell the roses”, “Don’t sweat the small stuff”, “Savor the good”, “Find the beauty in the world” took on whole new meanings in the context of loving a small, silly, smiling-eyed white dog named Bear. He has forever changed me in the best possible way and for that I am immensely grateful.

Milissa Castanza Seymour M.S. is an InnerSoul Coach, professional Numerologist, and Transformational coach specializing in Stress Management and helping clients find life purpose. Her professional certifications include: Prana Yoga/IntegrativeYogaTherapy Holistic Health Educator, Applied Positive Psychology LifeCoach, Aromatherapist, Chopra Ayurvedic Health Practitioner/Primordial Sound Meditation Teacher/Well-being Coach. www.innersoulcoaching.com

(Published in Creations Magazine Summer 2023)

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Rebirth Into Well-Being

2/17/2023

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"The longest journey of any person is the journey inward."
~Dag Hammarskjold

Let’s start with a quick meditation (5-10 minutes). Sit comfortably in a quiet place. Read through each step, then close your eyes and do the practice:
1) Bring your attention to your body. Where is it in space? Notice the points of contact to the chair, the floor. Notice any tension as you travel through your body from feet to head in your mind’s eye. Release tension with each exhalation, making space for calm.
2) Bring your attention to your breath. Follow it into your body, noticing how it moves and flows.
3) Notice your thoughts and feelings. Watch them come and go.
4) Notice the space between your thoughts. Feel the empty space that is full of silence and pregnant with possibility.
5) Bring your attention past the boundary of your being in this space. Imagine your connection to the energy around you, to everything and everyone. Sit with that knowing.
Bring your attention back to the room, your body, and this moment. Open your eyes.

You just traveled through your bodies in that brief meditation. Yes, I said “bodies”. In yoga philosophy, we are described as multi-dimensional beings, made up of three bodies containing
5 koshas or sheaths:

THE THREE BODIES
PHYSICAL BODY
Our physical body is made up of a combination of five elements- earth, water, fire, air and space. Our habits balance or disrupt the five elements. Practicing yoga postures decreases, increases, and/or balances these elements. Breathing practices and what we eat affects this body.
ASTRAL BODY
Our astral body contains the intellect, mind, subconscious, ego and higher intellect, allowing us to navigate the world through our thoughts and feelings.
CAUSAL BODY
The causal body contains our past life experiences, habits, and memories. The astral and the causal bodies are often partly to fully out of our awareness and don't become present until we begin a meditation practice. It is the place from which karma originates. Both the astral and causal bodies are linked and leave the body upon death.

THE FIVE KOSHAS OR SHEATHS
The three bodies contain five koshas or sheaths-
The PHYSICAL BODY contains-
1) Annamayakosha - the food sheath
Also called "the food body", it is made up of all the elements. What we eat creates this body.
The ASTRAL BODY contains-
2) Pranamayakosha - the energy sheath
It contains 5 pranic energies that flow throughout the physical body, nadis and chakras. It energizes and is the organizing field that holds the physical body together, governing breathing, digestion, blood circulation and all biological processes. Without prana, life ceases.
3) Manomayakosha - the psycho-emotional sheath
We experience thoughts and feelings through this sheath to include the subconscious and ego. Thoughts and emotions are energy and move prana. Practices that allow us to clear energy in order to healthily process information include sense withdrawal, restorative yoga and yoga nidra. These reduce reactivity/limited awareness and make space for direction from the fourth kosha or vijnanamayakosha wisdom to come through.
4) Vijnanamayakosha - the wisdom sheath
Wisdom and the powers of discernment (higher intellect) are contained here. It consists of the intellect which analyses the information we receive and controls the ego. Decisions and
judgments that support well-being come through this sheath. Signs that this kosha is developing include making proactive choices from a strong sense of right/wrong and a felt sense of compassion. The Yamas and Niyamas in yoga teachings are the foundational practices for developing the vijnanamayakosha. Meditation, Jnana yoga, witness consciousness, and self-inquiry also open us to our higher inner guidance in connection to this kosha.
The CAUSAL BODY solely contains-
5) Anandamayakosha - the bliss sheath
It is the part that knows the oneness of everything, generally out of our awareness. Through the space between our thoughts in the silence of meditation, sacred chants, mudras, and affirmations, we begin to access this part of ourselves bringing joy, equanimity, and peace, allowing a sense of the unity of all consciousness and divine being to come through. As limiting beliefs and unhealthy habits are released through the four koshas, the bliss sheath is revealed.
Knowing our potential opens us to a rebirth. We are born unconscious to who we really are and with the practices mentioned above, transformational coaching, meditation and self-inquiry, we can begin to see ourselves from a three body/five sheath perspective, opening us to our true nature. Once in that space, we start to make choices that enhance physical/mental health and dismantle the stories that inform reactive thought processes so we can choose proactive thoughts/actions. We reconnect to our higher powers of discernment, going from perceived unilateral physical beings to knowing ourselves as multi-dimensional spiritual beings, and that makes all the difference to our well-being!

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“Who Am I?”: Accessing Unity Consciousness

12/3/2022

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He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.
~Lao Tzu

Here’s a brief Chopra meditation: Sit comfortably. Close your eyes. Focus on your breath. Ask yourself, “Who am I?” State the question a few times, then let it go. The answer will eventually come in your practice, without thought. Sit in silence before opening your eyes.
      That basic question seems to connect to what truly matters as the mind wants to answer- “I am a daughter. I am a parent. I am a life coach.” These “insert label here” identities are the mind’s go-to sentence completions. They sound important but in the grand scheme of being, are they? Can the mind be relied on to accurately identify us? Do the mind’s puzzle-piece labels create a picture of the authentic self?
      To answer that question, ask “Who is observing the questioner asking the question?” Who is the witness to the mind’s antics? The mind is filled with feelings, thoughts, memories, desires, repulsions, and fears. The mind changes often. It is a reactive GPS transmitting from satellites in an individual’s worldview orbit, developed and operated by their history and experiences. It reflects a personal map of sorts. It directs daily functioning, often on automatic pilot. Taking a step back to witness the mind in action though, it becomes clear that there is something more.
      What is beyond the mind? What is that constant invisible force that silently informs our well-being? It’s consciousness. Call it pure awareness or unity consciousness, it exists beyond the mind. It is a space where all beings connect outside the limiting worldview of each individual mind, where wellness lives, accessible at any time to promote personal well-being. Unity consciousness is accessed in the space between thoughts during meditation. This space is part of each person’s pure potential, the antidote to disconnection and dis-ease. Once realized, it allows alignment with the truth that lives in that space. We become more compassionate, creative, peaceful, honest, and loving. As these truths seep into daily living, the connection opens. A fluid relationship develops where these values naturally influence daily life over time, in turn deepening the connection to pure awareness. This evolution elevates daily living to a consciously informed experience. Spiritual beings having a human experience becomes the norm versus the automatic pilot mind-driven life, devoid of witness consciousness. Once we step back and witness our thoughts as they come and go, it’s hard to go back to unconscious living.
      So, is it possible to know when we are out of alignment, not allowing pure awareness to enter daily life? Yes, it is observable. Notice beliefs, inner critical dialogue/conflicted emotions, addictions, and stressed-out moments that are energy drainers. That begins the shift. Small “a” awareness is developed when the drains to well-being are noticed. These mini breaks are necessary to bridge and integrate conscious awareness into daily living. It’s what I call a “Bits and Bites” approach to well-being. Sitting once or twice a day to meditate is wonderful and necessary to begin to reprogram the nervous system and allow the body-mind to recalibrate to calm, even lengthening longevity. That’s the “Bite” part where a block of time is dedicated to meditate, accessing the space between thoughts by stopping, breathing, and tapping into big “A” awareness/pure consciousness. The “Bits” part is stopping throughout the day for a few minutes to observe in real time what is happening inside, stopping the drain by witnessing it and reconnecting to higher awareness. This can be practiced as often as needed throughout the day as a reminder that pure consciousness is our true nature and the automatic pilot of the mind is draining well-being in that moment. It allows a shift out of a reactive stress response into a clearer space to process what is going on in order to make proactive choices.
     Here are two “Bits” that can create the shift:
1) In a moment of stressed-out reactivity, focus the mind on taking a few breaths. Those few breaths shift the nervous system into parasympathetic engagement, calming the system and allowing for proactive choices.
2) Going deeper, PAUSE:
Pause- take a break for a few minutes and breathe
Ask yourself, “What am I feeling?
Uncover the thought/belief connected to or just prior to the
feeling
Sit with it. Breathe, then ask, “Is it true? What’s the evidence?”
Explore the story you’re telling yourself and reframe it by asking
“What is another way to see this?”
      Witness consciousness is developing awareness that we are more than the mind. “Bits” of awareness are as important as “Bites” of scheduled meditation because it allows us to find our center in the middle of real-life moments where triggers become portals to who we really are - part of the unified field of pure consciousness!
(Published in Creations Magazine Feb-Mar 2023 Issue)

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Peace Be With You… And Everyone Else!

10/17/2022

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“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.”
~Siddhārtha Gautama


Peace begins with you. It’s an internal state that is energetically contagious. Where does this internal state of peace come from? One idea is it comes from the heart.
      The heart has been thought to have a steady beat like a metronome. It is now known that a healthy heart actually beats in an irregular pattern. The measure of time between consecutive heartbeats varies and is called heart rate variability (HRV). The variable state of beats is due to the interaction between the two branches of the autonomic nervous system (ANS). These two parts are the sympathetic, which makes heart rate faster, and the parasympathetic, which slows the heart rate and calms the system. Both act in concert calming and speeding up the body systems and heart rate. HeartMath Institute has done research showing that feelings/emotions have a very powerful influence on HRV. Stressful emotions like anger and anxiety create erratic, rhythmic, “incoherent” heart patterns, indicating that the two branches of the ANS are out of synch with each other. Being in a constant “incoherent” state stresses the body. Contrarily, positive emotions like love/gratitude/happiness create more orderly “coherent” heart patterns, indicating the ANS branches are operating together efficiently. Positive emotions create heart rate coherence/ANS synchronization, which leans into parasympathetic dominance causing 1) the heart and brain waves to be more synchronized, 2) body systems overall to synchronize with the heart’s rhythm (entrainment), and 3) breathing to automatically synchronize with the heart, supporting system-wide coherence and well-being.
      The heart is also the most powerful source of electromagnetic energy in the human body, The heart generates an electrical field 100 times stronger than the brain’s electromagnetic field and can be detected up to 3 feet away from the body as measured by SQUID based magnetometers. Research done at the University of Arizona has confirmed findings that when using heart-focused attention on positive emotion there is an association with increased heart-brain synchrony. This improves cognitive performance and effects energetic communication between individuals, producing emotional and physiological coherence. According to the research, when individuals are in a coherent state, they are more sensitive to receiving information contained in the magnetic fields generated by others. Research indicates that heart-rhythm synchronization can occur in interactions between people and their pets as well. So, based on preliminary research, a bio-electromagnetic field radiated by the human heart and brain of one person can affect other people and even the global information field of the environment, suggesting that an energetic field is formed among individuals in groups (a “group field”) that connects those individuals and transmits information.
      What does this have to do with peace? We have all entered a room and “sensed” the vibes around us. Research shows there is something reliable about this experience. When using certain skills and techniques, it is conceivable that we can generate peace internally through heartrate coherence and then radiate it into our environment and out into the world.
Here are two techniques to do this:
1)     Loving Kindness/Metta Meditation: (10-15 min)
Sit comfortably. Close your eyes. Focus on your breath, releasing tension throughout the body. Visualize yourself in your mind’s eye.
Tell yourself:
May I be happy.        May I be safe.       May I be healthy.      May I be peaceful.
Allow yourself to float away. Picture someone you love.
Tell them:
May you be happy.   May you be safe    May you be healthy   May you be peaceful
Allow them to float away. Picture someone you feel neutral about or don’t know well.
Tell them:
May you be happy.   May you be safe    May you be healthy   May you be peaceful
Allow them to float away. Picture someone you don’t like.
Tell them:
May you be happy.   May you be safe    May you be healthy   May you be peaceful
Allow them to float away. Picture the world coming into view. See the planet, focusing on nature, animals, people, countries…
Say::
May there be joy.
May there be safety and protection
May well-being prevail
May there be peace
Allow the planet to float away. End the meditation seeing yourself again and repeating:
May I be happy.     May I be safe.       May I be healthy.       May I be peaceful.
Sit with those feelings in silence. When ready, open your eyes.
2) Heart Meditation: (5 min)
Close your eyes. Focus on breathing into the heart chakra. Imagine a time you felt a positive emotion like love or gratitude. Sit with the feeling as you remember. Breathe into your heart.
Release the feeling. Open your eyes.

Take these skills into the holidays and beyond. Be an instrument of peace. It’s contagious!

Published in Creations Magazine Dec-Jan 2023 issue

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Masculine + Feminine = Balanced Transformative Energy!

4/30/2022

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The union of the feminine and masculine energies within the individual is the basis of creation.
~Shakti Gawain

      Too often in society, gender is confused with and narrowly defined by masculine or feminine energies. This narrow definition is limiting and creates stagnation. Humans contain both energies, regardless of sex and gender roles. A healthy balance of masculine and feminine energies makes for more fully functioning, healthy human beings. When energetically in harmony, people are more likely to experience well-being, contributing to their relationships and all aspects of their life in a deeper, transformative way.
      Masculine energy is often perceived as strong, assertive, powerful, and leadership-oriented. On the contrary, feminine energy is perceived as soft, nurturing, empathic, and “following”. One without the other, though, creates imbalance. A person exhibiting leadership and aggressive negotiating skills without receptive listening skills and empathy, presents as a harsh leader. A person exhibiting a soft, nurturing nature with lots of empathy but without the strength to communicate their needs and set clear boundaries is similarly imbalanced, presenting as a doormat.
      Unfortunately, society teaches lessons that create toxic energy states. Children from a young age learn lessons that stereotype masculine/feminine energy like “Girls are helpful and nice” and “Boys don’t cry”. This encourages each sex to take on imbalanced gender-role thinking and behavior to their detriment. It shows each energy as separate versus equal in value and balancing to each other. Resistance comes up around the assumption that feminine energy is being pushed on men or that women are being pushed to be more masculine in pursuing goals instead of more “traditional” roles. The reality is that both sexes are inhabited by both energies with the goal of balance, not substitution or takeover. An aggressive leader that exhibits empathy or a nurturer that sets strong boundaries are healthy and balanced, not more female or male. Understanding this is transformative!
      When viewing masculine/feminine energy from a yogic/Ayurvedic (shiva/shakti) and Chinese medicine (yin/yang) viewpoint, they’re seen as complementary energies that need each other to coexist. Opposites are appreciated in balanced relationship to each other - light/dark, hot/cold, aggressive/receptive, giving/receiving. And, so it goes with masculine/feminine energies. One without the other is at best imbalanced, at worst, toxic.
      Balancing masculine and feminine energy can be complicated due to societal conditioning but we can initiate change by transitioning to an energetic perspective and working with the breath to balance the body-mind. Nadi Shodana, or Alternate Nostril Breathing, is a yogic breathing practice, or pranayama, used to help balance the Ida and Pingala nadis (meridians) that run along the spine. The Ida nadi represents feminine energy and the Pingala nadi represents masculine energy. They represent the duality of existence. Pingala is associated with the right nostril and the left hemisphere of the brain. Ida is associated with the left nostril and the right hemisphere of the brain. Each of these nadis start at the base of the spine and crisscross the chakras as they travel up the spine to the third eye, ending at the right and left nostrils. This is the perfect practice for balancing our energy when we are frazzled with too much masculine energy or stagnant because of too much feminine energy. This practice 1) restores balance between the right/left hemispheres of the brain, 2) rejuvenates the nervous system, 3) manages stress responses, 4) clears the energy channels in the body-mind, and 5) promotes a feeling of well-being, clearing/focusing the mind/emotions.
Here are instructions for Nadi Shodana practice:
1.Sit comfortably, feet flat on the floor.
2.Imagine a thread pulling you upward from the top of your head, lengthening the spine. Let the shoulders drop downward, releasing tension. Close your eyes and draw your attention inward.
3.Place your left hand on your thigh, palm facing upward.
4.Place your right hand in front of your face palm inward, index and middle finger extended, resting on your forehead.
5.Close your right nostril pressing in and upward with the thumb of the right hand. Breathe in through the left nostril.
6.Release the right nostril, closing the left nostril with the ring and pinky fingers the same way. Exhale through the right nostril.
7.Inhale through the right nostril.
8.Close the right nostril with the thumb again. Release the left nostril and exhale.
9.This completes one cycle. Repeat this cycle five or six times.

      Nadi Shodana is an excellent practice that is only contraindicated if you have a cold affecting breathing. In that case, you could psychically do the practice, visualizing the process of breathing through each nostril. It takes a little imagination but is a useful alternative. With practice over time, your calm/focus baseline will transform as your feminine/masculine energies shift and balance!
Published Creations Magazine Oct/Nov 2022

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What Makes You Happy?

7/17/2021

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“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.” ~ Dr. Seuss

  Fall has arrived. I’m happy for crisp air and the backdrop of colorful, falling leaves. I imagine that others are happy when seasons change too but it does makes me wonder- What makes people happy? The well-known phrase “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness" begs the question – is happiness pursued?
     “If I get that job or new relationship, then I’ll be happy” are common thoughts. These desires seek happiness out there somewhere. But, all of these external wants don’t make anyone happier - long term. The most current research says that we create happiness. It’s not found. But, is seeking happiness a waste of time? Not exactly. Money or a relationship will bring happiness - temporarily. The happiness high wears off and the search for the next happiness fix begins. Researchers discovered that happiness has a shelf-life.
      So, what is the key to happiness? Research says that new found happiness levels spike then return to an inherited set-point. Some of us have inherited a happier set-point than others. This dictates happiness levels over the course of our lifetime, accounting for about 50% of our total happiness. Only about 10% of happiness is influenced by our environment. Situations and life circumstances have a negligible effect on happiness. The good news is that 40% is left within our control, informed by how we think and what we do daily. We make ourselves more or less happy through our outlook and choices. WE choose happiness.
      What are some of the characteristics of happy people? How do they think, behave, and act? Happy people experience distress and unhappiness like everyone else but they bounce back better due to their coping skills and happiness habits.
      According to happiness studies, happier people:
1.         Express gratitude
2.        Spend time with friends and family
3.        Are optimistic about the future
4.        Offer help to others
5.        Set and commit to goals/ambitions
6.        Are resilient in the face of crises and challenges, showing good coping skills and positivity
7.        Exercise on a regular basis; weekly, at most daily
8.        Live in the present moment and enjoy simple pleasures
      Martin Seligman, a professor at the University of Pennsylvania, did a study where he taught a group of severely depressed people a happiness enhancing strategy. They were instructed to do an exercise online to remember and write down three good things that happened to them daily. For example, if a friend called to check in or a neighbor dropped off a meal, they were instructed to write it down. He discovered within 30 days, the participant’s depression lifted from “severely depressed” to “mildly/moderately depressed”, with 94% experiencing relief. This research has been repeated with the similar results. This is one example of research that shows happiness levels are within one’s control.
      Here are other ideas to amp up happiness from psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky, a Stanford University Ph.D. and professor at the University of California, who has spent the majority of her research career studying human happiness:
1.         Choose a time daily to contemplate your blessings. Reflect on why you are grateful and how your life has been enriched.
2.        Identify one thing each day that you normally would take for granted and acknowledge it.
3.        Acknowledge one ungrateful thought each day and substitute a grateful thought. Example: “My sister is inconsiderate” to “My sister was late because of traffic but called.”
4.        Enlist a family or friend gratitude partner. Share your list of blessings with them so they can encourage or motivate you when you forget or lose energy.
5.        Introduce a visitor to things, places, and people that you love. This will help your perspective stay fresh by seeing things through someone else’s eyes.
6.        Express your gratitude directly to someone who has touched your life through a letter, a phone call, or face-to-face encounter.
      Lyubomirsky’s research shows that keeping our strategies fresh is key to our success. Over-practicing one technique can become stale and boring so mix it up. Write in a journal daily or weekly. Choose to contact a gratitude buddy. Write a letter. Make a gratitude phone call. Keep it varied. The key to the practice is being consistent and interesting.
      So, get started! Get a gratitude journal. Let your practice fit your lifestyle - daily, weekly, or 2-3 times a week. Write at your convenience about events, situations, or people that enhanced your sense of gratitude. Recognize your talents, positive experiences, and opportunities that have presented, and how you seized the moment, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant! Enjoy the process and happy fall!

Published in CREATIONS MAGAZINE fall 2021

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What's Love Got To Do With It?

1/31/2021

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The art of love... is largely the art of persistence. ~Albert Ellis

With Valentine’s Day upon us, thoughts of love are in the air. Let’s take a moment and ask, what is love besides hearts, flowers, and chocolates?

Love is the foundation of our being. I am not talking about romantic “hearts and flowers” love, or familial love, but a deeper much broader love. This “Love” informs every type of love we can think of, sustaining and transforming it, lining the path to our spiritual transformation.

When do we first meet love? The moment we look into our mother’s eyes. This is the moment we begin our journey. In the reflective pools of that first encounter, we begin to meet ourselves in translation. We learn to love ourselves in accordance with an interpretation of ourselves through another. It is the beginning of the exhaustive search for true love, the love we imagine we will find in another’s eyes. In that moment, the journey to our Self begins.

Over a lifetime, we experience love in many more forms. We love our families and develop an identity based on what we are exposed to - traditions, religion, role-models, and our environment. As we extend out into the world, we experience love for friends, eventually experiencing romantic love. All of these facets of love are incomplete. They are informed by what we have been told, taught, or experienced through our early encounters. We are still defining love by how well we satisfy our expectations through another. Sometimes, we suspend any expectations as we try to fulfill someone else’s expectations. The search may lead us through multiple relationships, marriages, outgrown friendships, and loneliness. It is a long road. And, for some of us, it is even longer as we are fixed in a material world of driving emotion. It becomes a painful experience, as what was once hopeful and promising, becomes a perceived dead-end.

As sad as these realizations are, they are actually harbingers of our potential. In each seemingly failed experience, is a seed of possibility. Those seeds contain the lessons that propel us to the truth. Eventually, the very process of searching for love, leads us back home to finding our Self. At the center of our being lies true Love; the foundation of everything that exists as nothing. As our hearts mature and we realize that 1) Love is not measurable by the desires and dislikes that form our image of love, and 2) it cannot live in the same space as fear and anxiety, we begin to allow true Love into our lives. We begin to suspend the illusion of reality that we have tenaciously held onto that is rooted in our history. Once we are able to remove the filter through which we have judged all of our experiences, we make room for Love. We stop “shoulding” on ourselves and others. We stop trying to control and define everyone and everything with labels based in pre-conceived historically limiting notions. We observe. We listen. We reconcile. We forgive. We leave our baggage at cliff’s edge and choose a different road home.

Namaste is a beautiful Sanskrit word that is used as a greeting in India. The breakdown Namah + te literally means “I bow to you”. But this word has a deep spiritual significance that holds Love as its seed. In its deeper meaning, it reveals that the life force, divinity, or light in me recognizes the light in you. That simple word honors the undifferentiated force of divine light that resides within us, the “oneness” of spirit. Eachof us is part of a bigger presence. We each carry the light of Love, the Self that connects to God or universal energy. When we look into another’s eyes and see this light, we see Love. When what we do is generous in spirit, honoring ourselves and others, we feel Love. When what we say is kind and considerate toward ourself and others, we hear Love. When we make compassionate choices, we touch Love. When all of our choices are rooted in a spirit of non-harming, we are Love.

Naturally, discovering true Love is a process which by its very nature may involve three steps forward and one step back until it is fully revealed. The key to this journey toward Love is paying attention and making conscious choices. Love is limitless, unconditional, conscious, has no boundaries, and comes from awareness.

So, how do we hasten the journey of love in our relationship with the world? Start by seeing love in everything. Take the time to find the good in the people you meet despite their perceived flaws. Sense the spirit within them. Take a moment to look at an animal, the sky, the trees, a rock, or any other object, and recognize its divine energy, bowing before it in your mind’s eye. Choose your words wisely, asking yourself “is this kind, truthful, and necessary” before you speak. And when you fall off the path, start again in that moment. When we start to see the holiness of life around us, we become the love that we have been seeking.

Published in Creations Magazine Winter 2016

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Keep peace, love, and joy in the holidays!

10/29/2017

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“The holidays are only holy if we make them so.”
~Marianne Williamson

Peace, love, joy!  The mantra of the holiday season rings in our ears yet how many of us dread the stress of the holiday season? Our relationships with family, friends, and lovers are often tested as we come together to celebrate. These can be anything but peaceful days, as we deal with relationships that can be trying at best, traumatic at worst.
  At the root of our relationships with the people we hold dear is trust; the feeling of being emotionally safe with those we love and that love us. We want a level of predictability and safety, exposing vulnerability to another and expecting it to be protected. That same trust informs our faith and goodwill.
How do we develop trust? It grows on a foundation of compassion, non-judgment, caring-honesty, reciprocity, and self-reflection. This is the soil in which trust can deeply root. If every attempt at relating to another is based in 1) compassion, not judgments founded on our own prejudices, 2) honesty, with caring concern versus veiled attacks, 3) giving, without conditions, but with boundaries, and 4) reflecting on our inner dialogue as a tool for self-understanding, we have a pretty good chance at developing positive relationships, good-will, and faith in others and the world around us.
Taking this further, let’s ask, “Who am I?”. Do I have the qualities that build trust- those same qualities that I want to attract? Before any relationship can truly deepen, these answers have to be built into our relationship with ourselves. If we have a compassionate, non-judgmental, caring, open, honest, reciprocal, and self-reflective relationship with ourselves, it becomes easier to attract those types of relationships into our lives. We would treat others the way we treat ourselves. We would be anchored, enabling us to give what we want to attract.
In our relationship with ourselves or another, we forge a soul connection which begins a shift in consciousness. That shift in consciousness is an evolutionary process where we discover that our “self” is actually our “Self”.  It is our “Self” that leads with compassion, non-judgment, honesty, reciprocity, and introspection. It is the inner wisdom that whispers through the noise of being. When “Self” led, we go beyond the physical into the metaphysical, which manifests for everyone in different ways. Perhaps it is God, the Universe, Higher Consciousness, “Center”, or whatever "Higher" connection resonates with us. That connection tells us that life is a series of "present moments" which reveal opportunities to observe our choices and make changes that create sustainable relationships. Ultimately, trust is rooted in a foundation of the qualities (compassion, non-judgment, truth, reciprocity, self-inquiry) and practices of unfolding consciousness. It is a self-perpetuating process. As awareness of higher consciousness unfolds, the foundational practices deepen. As the foundational practices deepen, so does our soul consciousness.
In chatting about this with my friend Lori, she described trust as a glass that holds our relationships with friends, family, and lovers. When trust is broken, that glass shatters into a million pieces, creating a mess to be cleaned up, with no return to its former state. She likened its fragility to that of a symmetrical yet complex snowflake descending from the frigid sky only to melt into oblivion upon its landing. These are beautiful descriptions that reflect great vulnerability. I propose, though, that when navigating life from our center as described above, the glass remains a receptive vessel that does not have to shatter, and the snowflake is a beautiful and complex frozen work of art that miraculously transforms into a glistening drop of water upon its landing. It is a shift in consciousness from “cleaning up messes” to “transformative moments”. Kahlil Gibran once said, “The deeper that sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?” So, even in our least favorite moments with family, friends, lovers, and our self, space is being created for something amazing like trust, love, and faith in something greater than ourselves.
Now, how do we translate all this into peaceful family celebrations where all sorts of uncomfortable shenanigans can potentially ruin the holiday? Here are some suggestions: 1) Attempt to meet people where they are versus expecting them to be who you want them to be. Take a deep breath and stand in graceful centeredness as you realize that they too are on their own spiritual path and this may be their best with what they know in this moment, 2) Ask yourself what your “button” is in this moment? What are you telling yourself? Examine your inner dialogue. You own the buttons that others press, 3) Pause and choose your response. Be proactive versus reactive. Ask yourself, “how important is this?”, 4) Trust yourself to reframe the moment. Find the positives versus perseverating on the negatives. These basic steps will help keep you centered and on the path of creating trusting relationships, encouraging peace, love, and joy, instead of chaos this holiday season!
(Published in Creations Magazine Dec/Jan 2015)

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Keep peace, love, and joy in the holidays!

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